While you are traveling you almost can’t avoid meeting other travelers, tourists on your way. But let’s be clear who is “tourist” and who is “traveler”. The most common definition of “tourist” is “a person who is traveling, especially for pleasure”. “Traveler” – “someone who is traveling or who travels often”. I think (and I use this description in this post): “tourist” a person who comes to a place just to take what he wants, needs, “check” on the “been/seen/done” list. He thinks everything goes only around his needs; “traveler” – a person, who comes to a place to give, understand, be a part of local culture. Who wants to make the trade – take but as well give something in return.
If a tourist wants to get the most benefits of being a tourist, be noticed by local people, other travelers – he should follow these guidelines. Then he can claim to get an award of most annoying tourist in Asia.
How to become the most annoying tourist in Asia
#1 Become a speaker
How will people know you or understand better, if you won’t share how you feel, think without saying it? It’s too tiring to speak with each person about yourself? So just be sure to speak as loud as you can with a person in front of you. Then everybody who is around (workers, other tourists, travelers) will hear you and you will get attention, even if you are not the most important person in that place.
#2 Be proud of your success by showing how much money you have
You feel that people won’t give attention to you if you won’t start to show/tell how rich you are. And because of it, you can get everything you want? So do it! Don’t accept any negative answer to your wishes, just tell people that you have a lot of money and you can buy everything you want: respect, justice, people and etc. Like you believe people in Asia are poor, so money the only way to solve problems, get anything.
#3 Forget your clothes
You have worked so hard in the gym a month before the holiday (just to look good in photos that you will share in your social profiles). So why you should cover your body with clothes? The swimsuit is not only for the beach, walk with it in the city as well. Why you should dress properly in front of local people, respect their religion and culture? Who are they – just locals, don’t care about them. Don’t forget you are the main person!
#4 No need to use simple humanity rules
Local people don’t understand when you are polite to them. Only if you scream, showing disrespect – they will solve your problems. They are not normal people like you or those with whom you deal in your own country. So act differently than you do in your country.
You respect only those who are worth it, right? Who are the local people? You don’t know them, you don’t understand them. So, why you should respect them? Don’t do that, act with them like they are not humans.
#5 Delete words “local rules” from your vocabulary
You should forget the expression “local rules”. You are not local, you are a tourist, just temporary staying for your vacation. You should have a good time, do things that you don’t do in your own country, without thinking about anything. Remember – “rules” are not for you! Drive motorbike without a helmet, as fast as you can, with as many people on a motorbike as you can take and etc. Don’t think that it can be dangerous for you and other people. If others do like this, why can’t you? You don’t need to think, you left your brain at home and want just follow others’ behavior – it’s much easier.
#6 Make a challenge for yourself
Alcohol in your country too expensive? Don’t have reasons to get drunk there? Yes, vacation in Asia is the right time and place to be the drunk the whole day! Get drunk till stage when local people try to help you find where are you staying or call for help like you can’t even stand up (and your friends just left you lying somewhere). A holiday is all about it – be drunk all the time.
#7 Take pictures of local people like in the zoo
While you are completing you “been/seen/done” list, you will meet local people which maybe you will find interesting. So just go to them, put a photo camera in front of their faces, no matter what they are doing at that time, and try to get the best shot. Don’t forget to make as many as possible shots. As well don’t think to be polite and ask people permission to take their picture. Some locals in Asia don’t speak English, so why you need to waste your time asking for permission? Feel free to just behave with them like with animals in the zoo.
#8 Follow your animal instincts
You feel passion here and right now? So have sex straight where you are, for example in the public hotel swimming pool. Who cares if somebody will see you? You feel the passion and want to demonstrate it. After all, you do the same in your country, in other countries outside Asia while you are traveling. So, why you can’t do it here as well? And don’t forget to “order” local females/males for your sex games – like “it’s part of the culture”, “you can help them to earn a little money” and they “enjoy working this job”.
#9 Leave your brains at home
You worked hard for a long time to get these couple weeks of pleasure. So just leave your brain at home and do things that you never do in your country or outside of Asia. Get crazy, do dangerous things, don’t think about anything. Try everything that locals suggest even if you don’t know what this is. Vacation is the time when you don’t need any limits. And Asian countries just waiting for your craziness. Here is one of the crazy things which you can do in Asia.
So it’s all my tips to get an award of most annoying tourist in Asia. Maybe you have suggested other tips?
I hope I haven’t offended any of you. But at least you know now how sometimes your behavior looks like from another point of view. And why local people treat you in a way which you don’t like. Keep in mind that everything is written in a sarcastic way from my personal experience during traveling in Asia.
Interesting? Great! :) You might also like these:
Asian people are not poor
Memories of 2015 in 15 travel photos from Asia
Movie Java heat – doesn’t give honor for Indonesia
8 thoughts on “Guidelines on how to become an annoying tourist in Asia”
I wrote a post very similar to this on my blog but I loved your tongue in cheek approach to the subject. I cant help but think of many times in Bali when I have come across said certain characters, sadly probably from the same country as mine.
Its good they that we keep posting articles like this, education is key and hopefully the information will sink in longer than a Anker induced hangover.
It happens not only in Bali :) In many places in Southeast Asia I see such people behavior ;)
Personally, I hope you did offend somebody :) Too many people out there who could win this award.
I hope so too, but reality is like this ;) As well we are just travelers in foreign countries, so we should respect local cultures and people, then they will respect travelers and we won’t need to complain that local people want just our money or behave with us rude ;)
Good article but please learn how to spell VACATION!
Thank you for correcting, my mistake:) Funny, that none of auto corrects showed this mistake.
That’s because vocation is also a word but has a different meaning ;) – “a strong desire to spend your life doing a certain kind of work (such as religious work)”
Yes, I know :) Just somehow one letter just “slipped” through my eyes:)
Comments are closed.